Coffee Break in the Shit Room

A man dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, shows him three doors, and says, "You must spend the rest of eternity in one of the rooms behind these doors. Look in each one and decide which one you want."

The man opens the first door, and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor, looking very uncomfortable. He opens the second door, and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor, looking even more uncomfortable. Finally, he opens the third door, and sees a bunch of people standing around chatting and drinking coffee, up to their knees in shit.

"Hmmm," he says, "that looks bad, but it's better than the other two. I'll take the third door." Satan smiles and shows him in.

Ten minutes later Satan walks back into the room and says, "Alright, coffee break's over, everyone back on your heads!"

This was my life with D.

Most of the time I've been doing a headstand waist deep in shit, but now and then I was allowed a little coffee break where life felt almost normal.

When outsiders open the door and take a peek into our lives together, D is careful to show them the coffee break. He's so charming and delightful. People tell us what a wonderful couple we are. He can really turn on the BS and do a great sales pitch about how lovely life is for us.

Then, before I know it, coffee break ends and he wants me back on my head again.

Only now, things are different.

I refuse to stand on my head. I refuse to even step into Room #3, the shit room. D doesn't like this.

We've had to attend some meetings together recently, and I cringed when someone turned to me and said, "You're so cute together! How long have you been married?"

I wanted to reply with, "Oh shut up!" but after a pause I mumbled, "Thanks. A long time," 

What's the appropriate response for me now, I wonder? American cultural protocol generally wants you to answer the "How's it goin'?" question with, "Fine," not
"Life at home sucks and I'm plotting my escape." 
When I gloss over the shit headstands, I'm just promoting the coffee break, which is a big fat lie. I'm contributing to D's warped promotion of life in Room #3. I'm tired of lying about the coffee. I'd like to comment that they're just seeing the coffee break. I want to mention how short the coffee break is.

I need to find something to say that's honest, and doesn't leave me clenching my jaw afterwards until I get a headache. Something like,
"Yeah. As soon as we step out that door, the coffee break is over."


Meanwhile, deciding that I choose not to set foot in Room #3 anymore is a done deal.