Monday, July 21, 2014

Employed!! Yay!

I had been stressing out about my job situation for over a year. Each week I worried about not having enough money to cover our family's monthly expenses, worried that I might never get a job, worried that I might be stuck living with D forever.

On top of that, I knew all the worrying was bad for me. It was attracting negative shit into my life and keeping me stuck. Worry is a challenge for me. I worry that things aren't working, and I know in my heart that this is a reason why things aren't working. Bad girl.


Two weeks ago, when I was trying not to worry myself into physical illness, the phone rang. A place where I had applied for a job months ago had someone abruptly leave and they needed to fill the position immediately. They had two urgent questions for me:

1. Was I still interested in working for their company? The job is similar to the one I had applied to, only in a different location.

Sure.
I'd lose my unemployment if I turned it down, so I'd say yes to a job cleaning out chicken coops, but sure. The company appeals to me, the office location is across town where I'm hoping to move, and I've got all the qualifications for the job. Sign me up!

and
2. When could I start? Today? First thing tomorrow?
They wanted me asap, or yesterday.

After about two years of looking, I am finally employed full time. Now I can concentrate on relocating. Yay!



Thursday, July 17, 2014

Party Support



Last week we had a family birthday party at our house. Everyone was here. We had a great time.

I should clarify - before the party, I consciously made a few decisions about how I would behave during the party.
1. I was not going to cater to D's pouting that starts up about an hour into any friends and/or family gathering.
2. If D started feeling left out, he could deal with how to solve the problem. He is not the new kid in school and I am not his mother.
3. I was not going to stay by D's side and struggle against his haughty boredom to try to include him in whatever was going on.
4. When D disappears into the man cave or sits in the middle of the activity to watch tv, I was not going to try to correct his behavior to try to show everyone what a gracious host he is.

In other words, I was not going to babysit him, not going to try to cover for him, and not try to make excuses for his behavior.

I had a great time.
I don't know if he did or not. He never really talked about the party.
But I think he was a little surprised I basically ignored him.
Regardless, I had a great time.

At one point, my girlfriends and sisters were parading in and out of the kitchen, and one by one I told them that I'm leaving D. Nobody expressed surprise. Nobody asked why. Nobody urged me to go to couples' counseling to save the marriage.

I guess I was the last holdout. The last to figure out that it's just not working.
...holy crap, is it THAT obvious?

The general response was, "When are you leaving? What's your plan to get out? Does he know?" and one girlfriend, bless her heart, was bold enough to say, "I suspected this was coming. Are you ok?"

Hm. It is reassuring to know that I don't have to explain myself. I was dreading that.
I also probably have more of a support group than originally thought. I feel good knowing that.