Recharged

I got to see B on Sunday.

We hung out, laughed, explored a vein of mountain roads (two dead ends, a washed out road, and high altitude snow made us turn around from all attempts to get over a particular mountain) and spent the day catching up with each other while we explored. B asked about my new job, asked about my scar and how it's feeling these days, and he not only asked about my life but was interested in what I had to say. It was such a nice change to have a normal conversation.

We also spent some quality time in each others' arms.

I needed that. Of course I'd like more touch more often, but B's hugs and kisses and everything filled the deep void for a few hours. B recharged my soul again.

Deep breath. Now I can face another month of isolation at home.

Alone in my cave

When I'm stressed out (which is most of the time these days,) I tend to crawl into my little cave and disappear. People accuse me of dropping off the face of the earth. My family complains that I never answer the phone.

Years ago, I had lots of friends. Now, I only have a few left.

I've never been able to figure out why I do this now. I've been in my cave for about 7 years, but visited it now and then for the previous I don't know how many years.
Anyway, I'm a cave dweller.
I am hermit girl, hear me sigh.

What caused me to change from outgoing and popular to hermit girl? I hate being hermit girl, but can't even force myself to fake my old outgoing self any more.

Then I saw this picture at The Lost Self and it all makes sense. 
I thought it was just me. It's not. It's a growing depression from years and years of covert, passive abuse.

At least that means that when I leave the abuse, I'll finally start to heal.
I might even start to come out of my cave.