The Law of Attrraction

The first time I heard about the law of attraction was in a Napoleon Hill book I found in a box. His language was hard for me to follow, but I vaguely understood that he was talking about how the wealthiest men of the early 20th century used some magical connection wanting something and obtaining it.

The second time I heard about it was at a weekend clinic by T Harv Eker. It made a little more sense, but I don't think I was ready for it to sink in.  

The most basic premise of LoA is that whatever you think, you will manifest. Think negative thoughts all the time, and you will be mired in negativity and bad things happening. Train yourself to think more positive thoughts and practice gratitude, and positive things will start happening. Or at the very least you'll be able to see the teeniest of positive things begin and grow.

During my job hunt and trying to recover from my situational depression, I worked diligently to get my brain to focus on positive things and to be thankful for the good in my life. It was hard.

I have done this in the past, and I always noticed that things seemed to turn around about 2 months after starting down the positive thinking path.

What I mean by positive thinking is changing the constant flow of thoughts in my head from crap like: I'm so broke! I have got to think of a way to make more money. I'm so tired of not having enough money. I can't pay my bills. I'm afraid the electricity will be shut off again. I'm a failure because I'm poor. I wish I could find a job. My life is miserable. I hate living like this. I'm done.I need a hug. Nobody loves me. I've had enough. I have to get out of here. If only I could find a job I could move out. But I'm afraid I will still be broke. I have to come up with a solution, I can't do this any more...

...and thinking about my life from the opposite perspective: Thank God I have enough food in the fridge to feed the kids at least one meal. I can scrape together enough money to get a tank of gas. I have a lot of great job skills and someone is going to recognize that. My kids are wonderful. The weather is beautiful today. I'm glad I've got a roof over my head. The water bill is overdue but the water is still on so I can take a shower. I have money in my purse - it's a quarter, but it's money. My life is not that bad; I could be homeless, or sick. I have a secret stash of emergency toilet paper. I did good work today, applying for 6 new jobs.

As insignificant as they seem, they're still positive thoughts, and they helped me to see hope instead of desperation. Two months after focused effort, things started turning around for me. I got the job. Now everything else seems to be falling into place.

I'm thankful for...

• A check for  $160.03  that arrived in the mail today, out of the blue.
• An unexpected gift of  $225  to the kid who just started their first job yesterday.* The gift will pay for desperately needed work clothes. (And the kid was down to only one pair of jeans in their wardrobe, so we got a pair of jeans today, too.)
• Sunshine and temps in the 60s!
• The heavenly smell in the air from all the spring flowers and tree blossoms. 
• Laundry detergent. It's always a good thing. Clean clothes are very nice to have.
• My bank. Seriously, I love my bank. Yes, I know I'm weird; thank you. The tellers are great guys who are fun to talk to, everyone knows me by name, my banker and loan officer is the same person (and she says hi when she sees me around town) and I always walk out of there with a big grin on my face. I love my bank. (I'm gonna miss those guys when I move way across the city.)
• Phone call with an old high school friend - she's one of those friends where you don't see each other for years and can pick up where you left off when you do reconnect.
• Going out for supper with the kid after a day shopping. 
• Running into a dear old friend at the restaurant. 
• A new-ish friend stopped by my home for the first time today and I gave her the disclaimer "Sorry about the mess," then proceeded to give her the nickel tour. We had a short but fun visit. The kids showed off their new sports gear and we giggled at the really lame jokes spewing from the mouth of my eldest.
• I spent quality time with people I love.
  Today felt normal and happy and absolutely perfect. 
• Coffee. I love my coffee. I'm always thankful for a well made cup of coffee.

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Hmm.
It's interesting...
Every day I give thanks for having cash in my purse or having enough money to get by. (Hey, if I have a penny in my purse, I have cash in my purse, so I honestly believe it when I say "I have cash in my purse.")

Our household finances are scraping the bottom of the barrel and we're literally digging coins out of the couch to pump maybe a gallon of gas in the car. The cupboards are bare. We suddenly have an urgent need for money (mandatory work clothes) on top of being low on toilet paper and out of milk. It's another 9 days of holding our breath until D's payday.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, money appears. Our needs are met.

BTW, the $160.03 was the return of a deposit (plus interest) that I paid 5 years ago for something. I had forgotten all about it.

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*Working kid was told, "Sorry, you can't wear jeans to work. And you'll need specific other clothes when you come in for your next shift." Ack! We have no money until the first of the month, and the cupboards are already bare. How are we going to buy the clothes? I posted some furniture for sale on Craigslist yesterday, and Thank God the gift and check arrived today because nobody called about my Craigslist ad.

Sorry I'm being cryptic about which kid/gender and what kind of job. Staying under D's radar...

I'm thankful for...

• Sunshine.
• Homemade gourmet pizza (last night's celebratory supper for the next thing I'm thankful for...)
• One of my kids got hired for their first job. The interview ended with a job offer. Yay!
• An incredible landlord/neighbor/friend.
• A decent night's sleep and waking before the alarm.
• A clean kitchen (...for about 10 minutes last night. I'll take what I can get.)
• Cash in my purse.
• Groceries (picked up a few things yesterday afternoon)
• Board games
• My job recruiter working for me behind the scenes, helping me land a permanent position so I can move.

I'm thankful for...

• Being shortlisted for several huge contract jobs - that pay well enough for me to not only move to a decent neighborhood, but enough to get off assistance and actually put money into savings. 
• $1,308.00  $1,308.00  $1,308.00 ... right?
• Being able to keep the phone bill paid and the phone turned on.
• My ability to bite my tongue and play nice when out in public with D. 
• Dish soap. I cannot stress this enough. 
• And clean dishes.
• Having plenty of gas in my car.
• Having road service insurance on both cars.
• Having smart, levelheaded, calm kids who can figure out what to do when they accidentally leave the car lights on.
• Music. Loud music. Thank you, Pandora.
• Spring flowers: daffodils, snowdrops, cherry blossoms, camellias, azaleas. Bluebells, redbuds and tulips are next. I love this time of year; it's beautiful and the air smells sweet.
• Making significant headway on my sorting and packing. 
• My goofy, silly pets who yell at me when I sit on the couch and don't invite them to snuggle with me. And purr and wag their tails when I do.
• Birds and subways. Two things that are completely and totally unrelated, except for the fact that they make me smile whenever I see them.
• Advil. I'm thankful for Advil. And I'm thankful for those fleeting moments when I realize that my headache hasn't been bothering me for a while.
• Abuse support groups on Facebook and the moderators and people in the groups. I feel less anxiety about some aspects of leaving after talking to one of these people about my specific worries.
• Being able to take deep breaths when I feel stressed out. So simple. But it helps me to remember to stop and focus on what's right in front of me instead of worrying about all the what ifs.
• Coffee.

I'm thankful for...

• BEING EMPLOYED!!! Last week I interviewed for a job I knew I had a good chance of getting, and today I learned that I got it. Yay! It's a long-term temp job that I'm taking for the interim - I'll still continue my quest for a higher paying job across the city - but this is a huge step in the right direction. 
• Having a caring and generous dad. Yesterday he dropped off some food and got us caught up on bills. 
• Sunshine. 
• Accomplishing a huge amount of sorting and packing over the weekend. 
• Sticking to my priorities. I decided to go on a social media vacation (ok, except for Pinterest) and this is helping me to focus my time and energy on what really needs to be done. 
• Having cash in my purse and money in savings.
• Feeling good, both mentally and physically.
• My kids. They were both home over the weekend and it was fun to be around their happy personalities.
• Being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel (see the first item on the list)

I'm thankful for...

• Meeting a goal last night: I FINISHED sorting, purging, and packing the last of my massive collection of scrapbooking supplies. That was a HUGE project that I started a year ago, and it's all packed up, ready to move. Done. Yay!
• Motivation. I was out of bed by 9am and showered by 10. I even remembered to take my antidepressant. If nothing else was accomplished, this still makes me a winner for the day.
• Starbucks for breakfast
• Having the physical and motivational energy this morning to clean the spare room upstairs. It's still cluttered, but it's dusted and picked up and the floor is clean.
• Clean laundry. I folded and put away 4 loads this morning and I'm not done yet. 
• Weather warm enough to open the doors today. I love being able to air out the house. Good chi.*
• Having food stamps and spare cash to pick up a few groceries. And a couple weeks' worth of toilet paper. And a pack of M&Ms. Gotta have my favorite reward on hand when I meet little goals this coming week.
• My kids. I am lucky to have a close relationship with them, and even luckier that they consider me not just Mom, but a fun friend to goof around with. Somehow, I'm the cool mom even though I make them do chores and tell them No when they want ridiculous things. (I think it's because I laugh at their fart jokes.)
• Thrift stores. They took 3 huge bags of clothes and toys and office supplies from me and gave me a coupon that I'll use for work clothes with my first paycheck. 
• Stuff I can sell. I'm ready to sell a few big ticket items via Craigslist. The cash will come in handy. (For more toilet paper and M&Ms, right?)
• Feeling good. I feel really good about myself today. This is nice for a change.
• Knowing what I need to do tonight to keep up the momentum of packing. 
• Knowing how much more I need to do before I'm done packing: 59 more boxes
• Being able to finally see huge progress with my sorting and packing efforts. 
• My metabolism, such as it is. I have been eating cookies and crap every day while I work on job hunting and packing, and I weigh myself every morning. My weight has been the same for the past month, give or take one pound. I'm still a plus size girl, but my crappy diet isn't affecting my weight in the slightest. Not one teeny bit. My clothes fit the same, too. I'm really happy about that because I know when I clean up my act regarding food, I'll be able to lose weight again. (I lost 50 lbs last year when I made a few changes.) It's nice to know that at least this part of my life is doing ok.
• Seeing my paycheck for $1,308.00 and being able to pay all the bills with money left over. (My bedtime visualization.)

Last night I decided that the best use of my time, other than applying for more permanent jobs, is to pack and get as ready to move as possible. Once I start working at a permanent job, I want to be ready to move at a moment's notice. I'm looking for a permanent job on the other side of the city, which means I'm going to have a hellish commute until I move. If I'm as packed and ready to go as possible, I can rent a storage unit with my first paycheck and start moving my stuff out of the house asap. It also means that if D plans to leave the house for at least 8 hours, I can take advantage of his absence and haul my ass outta there. Regardless, I don't want to deal with 8 hours at work, a 90 minute commute to get home, then deal with making dinner AND packing. The thought of that exhausts me.

I'm gonna get myself ready to run so there's no less stress when it's time to go.


* I mentioned Chi above.
Here are two links to explain:
Chi: Life Force  &  Feng Shui
 

I'm thankful for...

• Wild caught fresh albacore tuna in the fridge, from a neighbor
• Real cream in my coffee
• My dad, who is always looking out for me
• Getting two more boxes of crap cleaned out last night
• A sparkling clean bathroom
• Waking up early today
• Clean laundry, dried on the clothesline
• Goofy, cuddly pets
• Knowing what I need to do today to help me reach my goals
• The power of Pinterest, for helping me to envision myself in my own place
• Having a full day ahead of me to get stuff done
• Being able to accept that last week was kind of wasted, but I have a new week coming where I can start fresh
• Scented candles and loud music
• Having cash in my purse so I can pay some utilities on Monday (thank you Dad)
• Being accepted on food stamps. Things always have a way of working out. Financially, I didn't leap - the edge crumbled under my feet. And still, the net appears.

Every night in bed, I visualize the same thing: I'm at work somewhere, and it's payday, which comes around every two weeks. Someone is going around the office handing out paychecks (or paystubs for direct deposit) and I'm handed an envelope. I look inside and see a paycheck made out to me for $1,308.00 and I sigh a HUGE sigh of relief. I tell myself, "Everything will be ok."

Every night it's the same check for $1,308.00, and every night I sigh and tell myself, "Everything will be ok." I've been doing this for over a month.

Last night was different. After I saw the check, sighed, and told myself everything will be ok, I saw myself sitting down to pay all the bills. For the last umpteen years, paying bills has been overwhelmingly stressful because the money hasn't been there. We've been struggling for so long I have a hard time remembering when we were able to pay all the bills and still have some left over for savings. So as I continued watching the visualization, I opened the bills and added them up. Then added them up again. Laying in bed, I counted on my fingers the bills we actually have, and tallied up how much we pay for this and that every month. The visualization was correct.

Holy crap, we have money left over, and the $1,308.00 is a bi-weekly paycheck. I'll get another $1,308.00 in two weeks. Holy crap, I'm going to have a lot of money left over.
(Last year, D decided to change his job and now earns a mere pittance; enough to cover rent but nothing more.)

Last night it actually hit me. Everything will be ok. 
I'm just going to continue being thankful for everything that comes my way and picturing my paycheck every night.

I'm thankful for...

• hot coffee in my favorite mug
• sunshine, or at least lack of rain
• remembering to take my antidepressant meds today
• waking up before 10am
• being migraine-free today
• the surprise money I received in the mail yesterday
• knowing I have the cash for 2 full car payments in my private savings account 
• having a private savings account... with money in it!
• staying calm last night when D tried to physically push me aside like a curtain
• recognizing that I need to move out
• yesterday's good job interview
• knowing what one thing I need to do today to change my life

Here comes the sun again

Well.
I'm glad that blue crap is going away. I feel much better today.

I realized I had stopped taking my antidepressants and was letting my current situation with job and home life get to me.

As soon as I expressed quiet gratitude for a few basics (health, food, sunshine) the phone rang. Would I be available for an interview this coming Wednesday? The job opening that excited me has turned into an interview.

Funny how that works.