No job, no income, nothing. Because of my particular situation, I won't be eligible for unemployment for another month. Have applied for assistance, but that's a long process. The fridge is empty, we're on our last bale of toilet paper, and I'm getting scared.
I've had chest pains for several nights in a row, but I know they're just from anxiety. I have a knot in my gut that just won't go away. It makes me nauseous. No, I'm not going to the ER. It's not the lack of health insurance, it's just that I don't want to sit for 4 hours in a waiting room to be told "You're fine. It's stress. Go home and have a cup of tea." Fuck you.
Besides, I don't want to have to interact with D for that long. He annoys the crap out of me.
Today I had a meltdown and the kid comforted me. I try to hide all of my stress from her, but she's not an idiot. I can only protect her form so much of what's going on. I mean, she knows we're broker then broke, but I can't unload my mental crap on to her. She's a kid.
After numbing out for a while with computer games, I decided I'd figure out the one next step to get past this.
I need to focus.
Focus on what I need to do.
Sounds redundant, focusing on focusing, but for example, if I'm filling out another application, I need to focus fully on what I'm doing. Not letting all my financial woes and personal drama whirl over my head like a tornado of doom while I'm trying to fill in a form telling someone how awesome I am and why they should hire me.
That's backwards.
When I focus on something, really focus, I usually tune out the rest of the world and work hard at the task at hand. That's what I need to do: focus.
The other thing I need to do, when I have nothing specific to focus on, is to stop the negative little voice in the back of my head from saying shit like "We're so broke. I just need to get out of here. I just want a job. I hate this house. This is taking too long." and start working on a LOA approach* again.
*LOA = Law Of Attraction
The LOA worked so well when I got the last temp job, which was an accident (and a mistake, but that's another story), and it worked with so many other things. I even used the LOA to meet P, who has been an absolute godsend.
So that's my job from now on:
Focus
LOA
Here are the LOA links I found tonight that are helping to un-blue me:
- The Secret - stories about jobs
- Powerful Intentions
- How to work with the Law of Attraction to find a job regardless of condition
- How to overcome depression with the Law of Attraction
- Get Out of a Slump
No comments:
Post a Comment