Empty boxes

I'm packing today.
Rather, I'm purging and packing today.
After 2 rushed, unplanned moves in a row and a lifetime of indecision, we have boxes and boxes of crap to deal with.

I have been putting off dealing with this crap for years and years. Now it's time to deal with this before I get the hell out, and so I am purging and packing.

Here's where it gets challenging. As I purge, I create an empty box.
When I pack, I fill the empty box.
As I move things out, I'll remove a box.

I don't want D to know I'm purging, packing, or removing my stuff from the house, so I have wayyyy more empty boxes than I will ever need.

Today, as I work, I've been moving the last of the boxes to be gone through from the garage into my bedroom. Empties are going back on the shelf in the garage. To the inattentive eye, it looks like nothing has changed. Reverse gaslighting for you, D. You're welcome.

To my eye, it's hard to see progress, because all I see are boxes. I'm hoping once the garage contains only D's stuff and empties, I'll feel like I've made headway in the project and can stop and breathe.

A nice surprise was in one of the boxes. I found a bumper sticker that says "Don't postpone joy."

When I feel overwhelmed by this project or think I want to take a break, remembering this little statement will help me stay on track. 

Don't postpone joy.

The Law of Attrraction

The first time I heard about the law of attraction was in a Napoleon Hill book I found in a box. His language was hard for me to follow, but I vaguely understood that he was talking about how the wealthiest men of the early 20th century used some magical connection wanting something and obtaining it.

The second time I heard about it was at a weekend clinic by T Harv Eker. It made a little more sense, but I don't think I was ready for it to sink in.  

The most basic premise of LoA is that whatever you think, you will manifest. Think negative thoughts all the time, and you will be mired in negativity and bad things happening. Train yourself to think more positive thoughts and practice gratitude, and positive things will start happening. Or at the very least you'll be able to see the teeniest of positive things begin and grow.

During my job hunt and trying to recover from my situational depression, I worked diligently to get my brain to focus on positive things and to be thankful for the good in my life. It was hard.

I have done this in the past, and I always noticed that things seemed to turn around about 2 months after starting down the positive thinking path.

What I mean by positive thinking is changing the constant flow of thoughts in my head from crap like: I'm so broke! I have got to think of a way to make more money. I'm so tired of not having enough money. I can't pay my bills. I'm afraid the electricity will be shut off again. I'm a failure because I'm poor. I wish I could find a job. My life is miserable. I hate living like this. I'm done.I need a hug. Nobody loves me. I've had enough. I have to get out of here. If only I could find a job I could move out. But I'm afraid I will still be broke. I have to come up with a solution, I can't do this any more...

...and thinking about my life from the opposite perspective: Thank God I have enough food in the fridge to feed the kids at least one meal. I can scrape together enough money to get a tank of gas. I have a lot of great job skills and someone is going to recognize that. My kids are wonderful. The weather is beautiful today. I'm glad I've got a roof over my head. The water bill is overdue but the water is still on so I can take a shower. I have money in my purse - it's a quarter, but it's money. My life is not that bad; I could be homeless, or sick. I have a secret stash of emergency toilet paper. I did good work today, applying for 6 new jobs.

As insignificant as they seem, they're still positive thoughts, and they helped me to see hope instead of desperation. Two months after focused effort, things started turning around for me. I got the job. Now everything else seems to be falling into place.

I have an apartment!

Now that I have a job, I can start planning my next step - moving.

This has been a challenge. Housing in the area is not cheap, and I'm trying to do this on my own, with just one job with average pay. I refuse to apply for housing assistance (I have no idea if I qualify) and will not, under any circumstances, live in a sketchy neighborhood. One way or another, I was going to find affordable housing in a decent neighborhood, in an apartment with decent management. Reaching for the stars, I wanted a balcony, nice neighbors, trees, and a water feature. I grew up near the water and always feel most at home when there's water nearby.

After years of living in a situation made financially unstable and being unsupported by D, I felt I deserved better. I deserved a decent home, in a decent neighborhood. I deserve to be happy.

I called several apartment complexes. The office manager at my top choice said they'd turned away 80 people, but I could leave my name and number if something opened up. So I did. Two days later I got a call, "We have an opening in 6 weeks. Are you still interested?"

Hell yes, I'm interested!
Two days later I've passed the background check and I'm putting down my deposit.

The apartment is mine!
(That was easy.)

Everything else is starting to fall into place now.