D, while I know that there is no point in even hoping that you will say "I love you," and even though you have not acknowledged the day with a gift, flowers, a card, or even a polite "Good morning," this song is my special gift for you.
*I'll be wearing a black armband to commemorate the occasion.
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Post-anniversary note:
At about midday, he was standing near me when I was checking the calendar for the date of an appointment I'd had earlier that week. He casually commented,
"Oh. Today is the 28th. Happy Anniversary."
I braced myself for ... something. Positive or negative, I found myself flinching as he spoke. He was either going to try to be all nicey-nice about it and I'd have to force myself to not get my hopes up, or he was going to be indifferent. Either way hurts because there's no love left, and we shouldn't even be acknowledging any kind of anniversary at this point.
We should have divorced years ago.
He was indifferent as he spoke.
He said it with the same emotion that most people would use when they say,
"The dog is overdue for a trip to the groomer."
Or, "You should probably throw out that container of mystery mold that's sitting in the back of the fridge."
I shrugged it off.
He didn't say anything about my lack of response, but went about his day as if life was good and normal.
Totally indifferent.
It's hard for me to acknowledge any special dates any more. Valentine's Day, my birthday, Mothers' Day, anniversary... I know if I comment to him about the special day, he shrugs it off. If I try to treat them with the importance I feel they deserve, he will try harder to ignore them - and will completely ignore me, then go about his day as if nothing's wrong in the world.
Either way, it's like he's stabbing me in the heart.
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